You are the start of something beautiful. Don’t let another person’s progress destroy your dignity.
It seems like a normal word.But trust me it’s not just a normal word.My in this post I want to show you how this comparison affect your child’s behaviour, progress and more importantly his life.
Here I am asking you a simple question.Can you see yourself as a threatened or yelled for a simple mistake you have done? but the another child never done that mistake.
How would you feel? Ashamed? Humiliated? Alone? Abandon? Insecure?………
This fear make a home in your mind and hurt that if you make another mistake. You would be yelled again and compared again with another child, who never done that mistake. You feel suffocated in this situation. What you want to do in this situation? You want to run away from this situation.Am I right?
You can understand this situation, you can relate this comparison can cause children to experience ruinous and calamitous outcomes.
Every child is different and unique. They have their own abilities and weaknesses. Two children never be same. I know it seems a common approach to comprehend the performance of your child. It seems very normal to you.
Let’s take an example, comparison between your child’s grade with his other classmate is common in our society.
Another example is you compare your child’s performance in sports with out children of his team.
Let me tell you what were you thinking when you were doing this. You were thinking that this comparison help to improve your child’s academic grades or sports achievements.
My answer is NO.
This comparison will ruin his self confidence. I can understand as a parent we always think our child’s betterment. We don’t hurt them initially but unattentively these rebuke statements do more harm that good to them. This seems a small this but believe me its not. This behavior may ruin your child’s dignity.
Here I am trying to explain how comparison can affect your child negatively.
Low Self Confidence
Constantly comparison may kill child’s self confidence. They start feeling / believing that another child is much better than him. Child starts thinking he is not capable of his parents expectations. No matter how much he try, he can not do this. So he stop doing and this negative thinking not good for the personal growth.
It may be possible that child develop inferiority complex and this feeling may keep himself detached from others. He always start feeling his friends are superior than him and he is nothing. As he always listen that others are more better. So he start assuming others to be better than him and this feeling turn him offensive as well.
In the present time where everywhere competition has spread its roots in our life’s. Words come into our mouths unintentionally : “Look at him he is so talented that you”. These are common words that came out when we saw other child’s is doing well than ours. But we never think how these work affect child’s mental health. They start feeling alone and abandoned. Now doubt nowadays children are so stressed.
Constant comparison may fail develop a positive outcome and show poor self confidence. That might cause problem in future. They think they are not meeting there parent’s expectations. They will lose their autonomy and may be child become hopeless towards his/her later stages of life. They stop thinking that they ever be good enough. They start slowly but steadily self doubt ourselves. They lose their hope for bright future.
If you keep comparing your child with others, your child might be feel shy from others. Because he/she always feel that others are more superior than him so he starts avoid connecting with other, Stop interacting with others. They create their own imaginary world. They don’t talk other / discuss about their thoughts or issues. They will slowly tend to become antisocial. They will slowly try to avoid all social connections.
Start Ignoring You
You may not be understand but if child is consistently moked or teased by comparison. The he will start thinking that something is wrong with him and you are unhappy with him.
Now you become a reason to hurt him. Because you never appreciate his efforts. So he will try to start making distance from you. Your child may not trust you. This may be lead a bad impact on your relationship with your child and this development
Comparing your child with other children. This may start him to thinking agaist them. This behavior lead him to became aggressive, bulling and fight each other.
Your child is always keep thinking that other child is your favourite child. So he start hating him and my start underestimate him.
Now the question is that how we can compare child but in positive way?
And the answer is YES, YOU CAN.
Let me clear few points here.
- Appreciate the effort
Always appreciate your child. Start set example/ touchstone instead of raise comparing. This thing build his confidence.
- Support your child
Always be with your child. Never stop support him. Constantly ask him if he needs your help. Always encourage him to deal with his weakness.
Give your child compliment on his achievement. Never criticize your child in front of others.
- Never set an impractical supposition
Expectation is not bad. But the real one never expect your child to be an extraordinary. Every child has their own field of expertise.
- Love you child unconditionally
Children are parent’s precious treasure. Love them. Show your love towards them
So please parents it’s time to protect you and your child from the unnecessary burden. Support your child. Sometimes as a parent we think that our child accomplish our goals and expectation. But he can not do. Never press your child under your expectations.
They have their own goal, own expectations. Let them help to achieve them. Never ever push your child toward something that he does not want to achieve. Be a support system for your child.
Your child is not you. He has his own interests. So be he him not you.
No one is perfect. Not you as a parent not your children. So never try to be perfect one. Give your child his own space in his life and enjoy your parenthood. Every child is extraordinary but their own way. They are incredible. They are amazing. And you are the parent of these magnificent children. Be proud yourself and your child.
I hope this will helps you and solve your unsolved questions.